Motherhood isn't just about being connected to a little person and caring for them. It's about family. ALL family. Whether they are blood or adopted into our own. We are burying my grandfather this week on Wednesday and in the flood of emotions that ebb and flow, the one thing that I am constantly reminded of is how amazing family can truly be!
I feel so blessed to know that even though my grandfather is not here to hold his first great-granddaughter, that there is a small piece of him in her, whether she knows it or not. She won't have the chance to meet him until we are all reunited with our Father in Heaven, but she will most definitely hear tales of the amazing man that Bud Nelson was!
For those of you who never got to meet my grandfather, I thought that I would share his eulogy with you. Not only was he one of the most influential men in his field of work, he was one of the most influential men in my life and in many others' lives.
Dad was born in 1929 and grew up in Chicago and Peoria. Grandmother Nelson and our grandfather, who sadly passed away just before dad and mom met, lived in the city with dad, his brother Frank and sister Anita. He was also surrounded by lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. Dad told us how he used to sell newspapers in the city as a young boy by jumping on the running board of the cars (I’ve always imagined some old gangster looking car in 1940’s Chicago and my accident prone father, hanging on for dear life as he hauks a newspaper… and of course I see all this in black and white). He actually did once get dragged by a car and broke his shoulder bone. Dad always told us that he was never considered a great student growing up. He was young and struggled with the nuns through his early school years. But dad never was one to succumb to other people’s opinions and always told us that the one thing he knew was that he wanted to be an engineer.
He went to college at Illinois Institute of Technology and received his degree in Fire Protection and Safety Engineering. One reason he chose fire protection engineering was that few other students chose it and therefore he was less likely to fail as they needed engineers. Who knew where that would take him. After graduating he was drafted into the army and served his time stateside during the Korean War at Fort Aberdeen Proving Ground.
While at Aberdeen our resourceful father did take advantage of the social outlets in the military to make friends and meet young ladies. One such woman was a young and beautiful teacher fresh from 4 years in an all-girl Catholic college and now teaching in Baltimore. Mom and Dad met at a USO dance and he knew that night he had met someone special and she agreed to meet him again. Now, if he could only remember her name. Luckily, he guessed that she was not Thelma but Theresa. Mom, while independent and adventurous in Baltimore was also, and her family will testify has always been, the epitomy of carefulness and caution, who has never flown, avoids all cancer implicated foods, installs bolts on the basement and bedroom doors and who sat in the stairwell of the basement during thunderstorms. This cautious woman who was not about to jump quickly into a romance with someone she had not known long and well said yes she would marry dad after just 3 months. Such was the clear matching of their hearts and the pure and honest sincerity of dad (the fact that he was clearly intelligent, tall, handsome and also Catholic helped seal the deal). They married six months later in Nov. of 1952 and if you add it up folks that is 58 years.
Dad and Mom moved to Wilmington Delaware where Dad worked as an engineer for Dupont Co. While mom was willing to wait, dad was anxious to start a family. Dad was thrilled to have his first daughter in 1954, a little girl to be like mom and they even named her Teresa. What he got was got was something entirely different. An artist, an actress and writer. In 1956 Dad and Mom had a second daughter, Kathleen (the so called ‘favorite daughter’, called so by Kathleen that is). In 1956 the 4 Nelson’s moved to Washington DC where Dad worked with the US Government at the Naval Yard. In 1958, he began work with the General Services Administration where he became the Director of the Accident and Fire Prevention Division until 1975.
During this time, Dad’s family grew to include his sons David in 1957 and Christopher in 1962 the banker and the geek. The family first settled in Springfield VA but in 1964 moved to Annandale where the family grew up and Dad and Mom remained until earlier this year when they moved to Fairfax to be closer to their children.
Dad was always involved with his kids. Despite being neither an athlete, musician, actor, nor German dancer he was always there supporting us or helping out. Dad always let us kids know life’s priorities and the number one priority was mom. He taught each of us to swim because mom didn’t know how to swim. It was made clear, if we were all on a sinking boat we had better know how to take care of ourselves because he was saving mom. We knew that he and mom were the heart of our family and his heart was always with MOM.
In 1975 Dad refocused his career on the science of fire as well as engineering with his move to the National Bureau of Standards (NBS), now the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST). He became Senior Research Engineer in the areas of technology transfer, risk appraisal, human behavior in fires, applied engineering, applied fire/smoke growth modeling, fire safety for handicapped persons and the application of personal computers to fire safety problems. Dad stayed with NIST until 1992 but remained affiliated with NIST throughout the rest of his life. Dad’s picture hangs in the National Institute of Standards and Technology hall of honored alumni.
In 1992 Dad left the Federal Government and joined Hughes Associates as Senior Research Engineer. There he continued his research analysis and creation of practical applications within a wide range of fire protection problems. It seemed like Dad never retired. He was asked frequently to apply his professional expertise to the analysis of large scale fire disasters, including the World Trade Center buildings.
Dad’s dedication and advances in fire science and fire safety were often honored with awards both domestically and internationally. He was especially proud of the Harold E. Nelson Award presented by the National Fire Protection Association in his honor. However, he was never known to win a spelling bee.
Although Dad was 6 foot 2, had a deep voice, and could come across as a grizzly bear, he was truly a teddy bear. He was known to let kittens run up and down his legs after he begrudgingly let the pregnant stray cat stay. He loved babies and children, got up early to give bottles and played hide and go seek with his grandchildren. When it was late at night and you needed help because you had been in another accident (David), you called Dad and he was there for you. Dad was an optimist and saw the good in everything. Dad’s kindness and generosity were not just limited to his family. If ever he saw someone in distress he was always there to lend a helping hand.
Dad was passionate about his work. He would cheer the Redskins on while working in front of his computer screen. As children, we learned about flow charts and the systems approach, by seeing his den covered in charts. We also learned the dangers of candles, live Christmas trees, and especially using sparklers without closed-toed shoes. On one vacation, Mom and Dad drove across country with Dad learning how to program (while mom was driving I hope). They saw the country and Dad began a concept in fire protection engineering which culminated in a computer program he designed called FPTool. This was one of his proudest achievements.
He managed projects at work and loved to work on projects with his children and at home. Many of our decks, or other home renovations had dad’s hand in it. He knew a lot about a lot of things as an engineer and what he didn’t know he improvised, but so far none of our decks or walls have ever fallen down.
Dad was not only a great lover of science and technology, but also of history. He would read the markers along the highway and he made sure that we were no strangers to the many museums and historic sites around Washington. We never knew those vacations where you sit around and rest because ours were always loaded daily with new places, nature and history in addition to amusement parks. He loved to take pictures of our vacations, even if it was hundreds of pictures of the monkeys in the Monkey Jungle.
Dad’s family also grew during these years to include 10 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. Dad was a devoted husband, father, father in-law, grandfather, and great grandfather. He shared with all, his passions for science, history, technology, fire science (of course) and above all marriage and family.
Early in the 1990’s Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Dad never let his condition stop him but always kept going as best he could. Over the years of struggling with his growing disability he never stopped being an endless source of friendship, assistance, encouragement and love for his family and friends.
Dad and Mom moved from Annandale to Fairfax earlier this year to simplify living in a one level house and to be closer to their children. Dad was called to heaven July 21st after complications from a fall.
Dad was the beloved patriarch of our family and a leader in his profession. He lived fully the passions of his life and left an enduring legacy both personally and professionally. His loss deeply moves us all and he will be deeply missed, but even more we celebrate, cherish and benefit always from his presence in our lives.
